Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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