I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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