The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
