She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
