Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
