Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
