Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
