Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize