Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
