Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
