Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
