wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im holly from the hills drunk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
