i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
