She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
