Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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