I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
