grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
