I just cut my nipple shaving
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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