he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
