If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
