I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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