1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
