I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well I just put wine in my tea
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
