Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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