...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
