You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
