Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
operation have a gay friend backfired
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
