Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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