Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
