Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
