Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
