The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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