You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
