I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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