There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
