my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
