I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
