No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
