he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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