Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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