We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's the barista slut.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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