The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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