Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
