no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
its liver damage thursday
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
