I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am naked and annoyed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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