This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
