Nicole vs. Life
wanna go halves on a baby?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
