You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
