apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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