You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
