how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
