Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
