so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
