I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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