So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
