Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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