I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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