Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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