I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So squirting runs in the family.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Randomize
