I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
