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• (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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• (+32): View more from Belgium

  this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk

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• (925): View more from California

  if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates

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• (707): View more from California

  She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.

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• (805): View more from California

  I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.

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• (760): View more from California

  I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico

  (760): View more from California

  You can wake up to my rainbow of failure

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car

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• (949): View more from California

  You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.

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