this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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