I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
