Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
