What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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