a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
