hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
