just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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