Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
