Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
