God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
