I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
